What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
