New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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