I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
