I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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