You can't motorboat a personality
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
