How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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