what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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