The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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