Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
