From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
