So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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