I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
