Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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