Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
