I can text with my tongue
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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