..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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