So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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