And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
