You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
