she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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