i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
