this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Bang-toberfest begins!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
