i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
