At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
