I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
