just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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