i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
