saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
