you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Shame - the story of my life.
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