I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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