It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
