If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are the jesus of drinking
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
