i can't believe i had my finger in that
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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