Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
