the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
