WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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