after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
