Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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