When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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