from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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