I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
