i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
