A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
