That's intense
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
