fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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