3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a hot homeless man
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
