I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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