She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
