What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We were destined to go to rehab together
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
