update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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