i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
