I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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