I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
