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we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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